The suicide rate of veterans is unacceptable. While there may be differing reasons for this, I have been asked my thoughts.
(These are my own thoughts based on my experience. I’m sure there are plenty who will tell me that I’m full of shit. That’s fine, this is me talking for me. For the purposes of this post “him, her, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband” are generic and no offense to anybody is intended. And if your offended by anything so foolish, what the hell are you doing here)
Training at Basic and AIT will make you think differently, feel differently, and act differently. But a deployment multiplies those differences. When I’ve been deployed, the idea of “Home” wasn’t talked about very much.
The “World” was talked about. “When I get back to the World” “I’m short to go back to the World” the idea is that where ever you are isn’t the “World” and it makes it easier to compartmentalize where you are and what you are doing. A way of separating yourself. Many wives, mothers, girlfriends complain about not getting enough letters (emails today) and that could be a part of it. The “World” doesn’t change while you’re gone, in your mind, everything and everybody is just like you left it. This can contribute greatly to the stresses of coming home.
If you ask a politician, they will tell you of the need for whatever action you are in. If you ask an old veteran, they may tell you of the glory of it. Commercials will tell you about the flag, baseball, apple pie, and patriotism.
If you ask soldiers, they may say they fight for their buddy, the team, the guy next to them. And while that may very well be true, but when rounds are incoming it gets personal very quickly.
When rounds are impacting and bullets are in the air, it hits home that “that person” “that team” “they” are trying to kill you specifically.
On a side note. When you’re killed, it’s not just you. Everybody you know, love, every friend is being taken from you, because you won’t see them again. Regardless of your religious view of the afterlife, they are being taken from you.
So when the rounds are impacting and the bullets are flying, and “they” are trying to kill you a soldier will fall back on training because an angry soldier is a dead soldier. But you will…HATE
When you’re running for cover and ducking rounds, it will rise up in you. You will grit your teeth and say something along the lines of “you mother f*ckers” and it will bubble up and make you HATE “them”
And you will KILL them or they will KILL you and take away everybody you know. You can try to nuance it with language, or deflect with reason. But it is what it is.
This can be very difficult to live with afterwords. For a normal, decent, civilized person, this is not normal. It may be natural to feel that way, but it leaves shadows on your hearts. (I don’t care who you are)
When you do redeploy and go back to the “World”, you hug your kids, kiss your wife, reach around and squeeze her little butt…….and go on. That can be hard to do because you bring things back with you. You bring a few ghosts along.
this is normal and not necessarily a bad thing. Talk about them, tell stories about them, donate in their name, sometimes it’s the best way to remember them. But don’t bring any demons back with you, because there is a difference.
You can make friends with the ghosts.
I’ve been through Grenada, Panama, Desert Storm, and a few “other things” to boot. Looking back they seem to have been very close together even though they were years apart.
Today’s soldiers are suffering from repeated deployments. Especially those in Group, over and over again with made three to five months in the “World” and then gone again. Many times to the same place as before. Retention is suffering, soldiers are leaving, and killing themselves in numbers that are totally unacceptable. The VA needs funding and programs, we need to stop policing the world. Everytime I hear some politician talk about “no boots on the ground” I want to yell “they aren’t wearing sneakers, asshole”
Come home to the World, hug your kids, kiss your wife, reach around and squeeze her little butt, bring your ghosts, make friends with them. But leave the demons there.
My two cents.
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